Take Me Instead
by TheDragonRider
Summary: Lily is murdered by Voldemort and James is forced to raise Harry on his own with the help of his freinds Remus and Sirius. But James wants revenge. Peter would pay for what he did...
1. Chapter 1

**Take Me Instead**

**A/N: **Hey guys! So this is not a story of how things were but how things could have been if certain events had played out differently. We all know the story of James and Lily, but what about the story of James without Lily?

**Disclaimer: **The wonderful Jo-Ro!

**Chapter 1**

Lily Potter was 21 years old, and she was entirely happy. Well, mostly happy. She had everything she needed; a husband, a son, and protection for her family. However her life wasn't perfect. Far from it! Her husband, James, was not the kind who liked to be trapped indoors but that was the unfortunate price that all had to pay for their safety. They often became anxious and fed up and bickered quite a bit, but at the end of each day they would spend time as a family and everything would be alright again, everything would be happy.

James Potter sat on the couch beside Lily who held Harry, their 1 year old son, on her lap. Harry giggled and attempted to catch the multi-coloured puffs of smoke James emitted from his wand. Lily laughed with him, making her usual soft coo-ing noises with each puff of smoke. James smiled; as much as he hated being trapped in the house, he was grateful to be trapped with them.

James held out a finger for Harry to hold, but sharply pulled it back at the sound of the squeaky hinges of the garden gate. He jumped up off the couch, his wand abandoned beside Lily, and cautiously edged his way towards the window where he slowly peered through a gap in the drawn curtains.

A figure moved up the path, tall and thin and dark. It seemed to slither, snake-like, towards the house. It was followed by a group of equally dark and hooded figures. It was him. It had to be.

"Lily!" gasped James, "Lily, it's him, go…run! Take Harry and run, now! I'll hold him off!"

Lily sprang to her feet, Harry clutched in her arms, but she stood her ground. James looked at her pleadingly, "Lily, please! You've got to go!"

Lily moved forwards and kissed James on the lips. "I love you."

"And I love you, both of you. Now go!" He gently pushed her and she swiftly left the room. James watched her go with a sense of longing. He would probably never see her again.

Suddenly, the front door burst open and the shadowy figures slinked inside, wands raised.

"We meet again Potter." drawled the leader of the group, "I daresay it shall be our last!"

"Voldemort." said James simply focusing to keep his face as passive as possible. A few of the Death Eater sniggered at his boldness.

"Where is he?" asked Voldemort.

"Where is who?" replied James innocently. He felt in his back pocket for his wand but couldn't feel it. His eyes glanced to the couch where he spotted it, unfortunately this did not go unnoted by Voldemort who also glanced to his wand, a cold smile creeping onto his lips. James set his jaw, inwardly kicking himself at his stupidity.

"Your son, of course." said Voldemort, he spoke plainly as if discussing something as trivial as the weather.

"I'm not letting you anywhere near my son." James growled through his gritted teeth. He clenched his fists to stop them from shaking; from fear or anger he couldn't tell.

"Well I'm afraid you're not the one making the decisions tonight, Potter." sighed Voldemort. His eyes darted towards the staircase then back to James. He smirked. "They're up there, aren't they? Your son and that…_pretty_ mudblood wife of yours." Several of the Death Eaters sniggered again.

James felt a new wave of mingled fury/fear. He inhaled deeply; he needed to keep them distracted while he moved to cover the staircase. "Y'know, muggle-born or not, she's still ten times the witch you could have ever hoped to be" he quipped, moving as discretely as possible towards the staircase

Voldemort smirked, "I never hoped to be a witch at all, even less one with dirty blood."

"Well, you could've fooled me!"

"I know what you're doing Potter." said Voldemort quietly, his eyes locked with James'. He then turned and signalled to one of the nearby Death Eaters, a large broad wizard whose face was mostly concealed by his hood. "Mulciber, McNair!" snapped Voldemort. "Hold him."

"Hold m-?" but in two great strides, the two Death Eaters had crossed behind James and held his arms tight. James struggled and resisted but they were too strong. "What? No! Gerroff!"

"Lily!" called Voldemort. James stomach plummeted uncomfortably. He pulled as hard as he could against his captors but they only held him tighter. "Lily, could you come down here please?" the faux politeness in Voldemort's voice sent a chill down James' spine.

"No Lily, stay where you are!" he called. But it was too late; Lily had emerged at the top of the stairs. She froze as her eyes found Voldemort's wand which was pointed directly at her.

"Come join us." Voldemort smiled his cold smile again and motioned for her to move forward. She slowly descended the staircase, stopping when she reached the bottom step. She quickly glanced towards James and her eyes widened ever so slightly. "Where's little Harry?" Voldemort asked in a tone of mock concern. Lily said nothing. She stared at the evil man before her with a look of determination and stubbornness. It was that same stubbornness that James fell in love with, and it was that same stubbornness he knew would harm her. Voldemort, however, was growing impatient, "Get out of the way!" he spat, but Lily only continued to stare coldly. Eventually, in her silence, she shook her head slightly. James could see her start to tremble slightly, but she held her composure. His own heart was racing; this was not going to end well. "Get out of the way you silly girl! Let me past!"

"No!" shouted Lily, anger and fear evident in her voice. James knew it was the same anger and fear that he felt. His captors forgotten, his eyes were fixed on the scene before him.

"I'll ask you again, get out of the way!" Voldemort advanced on her, raising his wand higher.

"No." Her voice was quieter now.

"GET OUT OF MY WAY!" Voldemort now pointed his wand at James and tears sprung to Lily's eyes as the fear consumed all her anger.

"No, please!" she pleaded.

"The husband or the son. Tough choice. I could kill them both, I do not care."

"No, not Harry, please!"

"Move aside you silly girl!"

"Please, have mercy, take me, kill me instead!" The tears were now rolling down Lily's cheeks. She clutched at the banister, her chest rising and falling fast.

"I'll give you one more chance to move aside, Potter, else I kill you."

"No!" The yell had escaped James' mouth before he could stop himself. He resumed his struggle against the Death Eaters. Voldemort looked at him as if he had forgotten he was there.

"No." Echoed Lily.

Voldemort sighed heavily. "Have it your way." He said, shrugging. "I did try..."

He directed his wand as her once more. Lily turned to look at James, their eyes met and in that moment time stopped. She gave him a forlorn smile, the tears still sliding down her face.

"No..." whispered James, all thoughts of struggling, fighting, everything leaving his mind completely.

"ADVADA KEDAVRA!" A beam of green light emitted from the wand and hit Lily in the chest. She screamed in pain then fell to the floor and lay there, motionless.

"NO!" James' voice sounded far away. He wasn't even entirely sure it had been him. His head whirled. If he wasn't being somewhat supported by Mulciber and McNair then he would have probably fallen over. He stared at her body, broken and still. What just happened? Had it really happened? His thoughts felt fuzzy. He had to get to her. She could just be pretending. Surely she wasn't gone. That couldn't be it. She wasn't dead. She couldn't be.

Movement over her body altered James to Voldemort ascending the stairs.

"VOLDEMORT!" he roared, "NO! NO! LEAVE HIM ALONE! IF YOU TOUCH HIM, GOD HELP ME I'LL –"

But the words died in James' throat. A flash of red light later and James felt the sensation of falling. Soon there was darkness and nothing more.

* * *

"James?"

Someone was shaking him. He opened his eyes slowly; the house was dark and cold and had long since been emptied of any Death Eaters. James had a dull throbbing in the back of his head. He sat up and was greeted by an extremely pale looking and out-of-focus Sirius Black.

"Sirius..."

Sirius handed James his glasses and helped him to sit up. James absent-mindedly rubbed the back of his head (obviously where it had come into contact with the floor when he fell) and tried to remember what had happened before he was stunned. And then he saw her.

_"Lily."_

He scrambled over to her lifeless form and knelt beside her. He brushed the hair away from her face revealing her wide, staring eyes. James emitted a single sob and looked away, closing his own eyes. He turned back, hardly daring to look. He gently closed her eyes and lightly kissed her forehead; her skin was white and cold, yet she still looked as beautiful as ever. Lily. His Lily. The only girl he'd truly ever wanted, ever needed. She had made him feel like no-one else could. James shook his head. She couldn't be gone. Not now. Why now? He felt angry at himself, angry at her – why did she have to leave him now, now that they had just gone into hiding and everything had seemed so safe? But no, he wasn't angry at her. How could he be? It was selfish. It was his fault; he should have protected him better, protected them both. His whole life, everything he lived for, gone.

Lily.

Harry.

What was the point anymore?

It was entirely his fault they were gone. Why had he dropped his wand? His wand...

He pulled himself away from Lily's body and retrieved his abandoned wand from the couch. He stared at it without really looking at it. No, it was not his fault either, not really. James knew exactly who the blame rested with...

Peter.

The Potter's secret keeper. His friend for over 10 years. He had betrayed them to Lord Voldemort. He was the reason Harry and Lily were dead. He needed to get to him. He needed to hurt him.

"James?"

James started. He had almost forgotten that his best friend was there. He looked at him curiously. "Yeah?"

"James, what are you doing?"

"I need to get to Pettigrew." James muttered, running a hand through his hair. "I need to –"

But Sirius had stepped forward and grabbed James' wrist. "No." He said firmly. "Not now Prongs, now's not the time."

James looked at him sharply. "He's escape –"

"He probably thinks you're dead, and he doesn't know that I know he was secret keeper. He won't escape if he doesn't think there's anything to escape from."

Somewhere in his mind James knew that Sirius was right, but he didn't want to admit it and so made a non-committal grunt and pulled his wrist free from Sirius' hold.

After a moment Sirius heaved a great sigh and said with what sounded like a lot of effort; "Where's Harry?" James shrugged. He didn't want to think about what Voldemort had done to him. "Have... is..." Sirius took another great heaving breath, "..._was_ he upstairs?"

James nodded, blinking back hot tears.

His son. Their son.

James looked at the staircase. He would have to face what was up there eventually. Better now than later he supposed. He slowly turned to ascend the stairs and froze; what if Harry wasn't there? What if Voldemort had taken the body, or worse – destroyed it?

A soft hand on his shoulder told him that Sirius had walked with him. "Go on," he urged gently.

The stairs seemed to go on forever. James entered the room slowly, forcing himself to avoid looking into the shadowy corner where Harry's smouldering crib lay. The walls were burnt black. They were crumbling and flaking and looked like powder, James feared to touch them in case they gave way at his fingertips.

He cautiously approached the crib and at the last second, drew back; there was a small, still bundle lying under a blanket. Voldemort had left the body. James felt sick. Seeing Lily in that state was enough break his heart. But not Harry. No. Not his son. He turned to leave the room and just as he reached the doorway he heard a noise emit from furthest corner.

"Harry?"

James rushed back over to the crib and, without hesitating, gently pulled back the blanket…


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **Hey guys thank you for all your reviews! :) I will try to update as often as I can, but unfortunately don't always have time to put words to paper as I'm crazy busy in my Honours year at uni just now! (Dissertations seem to suck up all available time!) but I will endeavour to try my best and update asap! :)

**Disclaimer**: Everything belongs to JK Rowling

* * *

**Chapter 2**

"Harry!" yelled James suddenly. The tiny bundle frightened at the sudden loud noise began to whimper. "Oh Godric! Harry! I'm sorry! I can't believe it! You're alive!" James lifted the snivelling baby out of the crib and cradled him close to his chest, never wanting to let him go again. "Don't cry. Shh. It's alright. I've got you – daddy's here." Harry's crying eased as if he had understood what James was saying. "I'll never leave you again Harry. Not ever." Harry had stopped crying now and grabbed hold of his dad's shirt with one pudgy little hand. James gazed down at his son and noticed a red lightning-shaped scar on Harry's forehead. He touched it gently; the skin was burning hot. "What's this then?" Harry whimpered again so James cuddled him back to his chest as the relief swept through him like a huge wave. Something in him knew that scar would be permanent and that it meant much more than having survived some sort of curse. Harry gurgled innocently and looked at James through those startlingly green eyes. Her eyes, Lily's eyes. When James looked at them, he saw her again; smiling and laughing. But she was gone, gone and never coming back. Harry was all James had left. "It's just you and me now champ," he gave Harry a small smile "and no doubt uncle Sirius will want to help."

And sure enough, right on cue, Sirius' voice called from downstairs. "Prongs?"

"It's alright, Sirius." James called back. "He's alright!"

"What?!" The sound of Sirius hurtling up the stairs then he appeared in the doorway.

James turned to face him, the relief hitting him in waves now, making him feel giddy and light headed. Suddenly James began to laugh, "He's alright," he repeated. Sirius moved towards him, his face also breaking into evident relief, "he's alright."

Sirius stroked Harry's head and joined James in his uncontrollable giddy laughter. Had they gone insane? Had the sudden shock then relief fried their brains?

"Merlin," choked Sirius through his laughter "I bet you're glad you checked upstairs now eh Prongs?" To anyone else this comment may have seemed insensitive. But right there, in that moment of pure ecstasy, they both knew the true meaning.

After a while James' laughter subsided but left traces of a smile still on his lips. "When I saw... saw Lily," he said, "after that, I just presumed that... that Voldemort had finished the job."

Sirius nodded solemnly. Neither of them were smiling now. "But if he didn't, y'know, finish the job, and Harry's still here, then what happened to him?"

"I don't know, Padfoot. I really don't."

They were silent for a moment before Sirius spoke again. "Hey Prongs, what's this on Harry's forehead?"

"A scar."

"Yes I can see that. I mean, _why_ does he have a scar?"

"Probably received it when Voldemort attacked him."

"Attacked him? With what?"

James thought for a moment. He thought back to Lily, standing on the stairs pleading for her only son's life. He thought of the green light and her screams and her sudden death and he knew at once that Voldemort had tried to do the same to Harry.

"The Killing Curse."

"Good God! And he survived that?"

"Looks like it!"

"How?"

James shrugged. "Your guess is as good as mine."

Both men stared down at the now snoozing baby for a while.

"We should get out of here," said Sirius, shivering and rubbing his arms "its cold. You two can stay at my place."

"You sure?"

"Of course! For as long as you need obviously. I have the spare room."

James attempted to smile at him. "But what about...?"

"We'll cover her, protect her, then we'll come back tomorrow. You both need to get some sleep and you can't stay here."

James knew he was right but still didn't want to leave. He opened his mouth to protest but Sirius cut him off again: "You're not winning this, Prongs. Go wait by my bike" (he raked in his pocket then handed his keys to James) "and I'll be right out as soon as I'm done here. You just see to Harry. I'll be along soon."

James wanted to help, he wanted to do something. He couldn't just do nothing could he? But something in Sirius' expression re-assured him. Harry needed him more than Lily right now. "Ok."

* * *

As they flew noisily over the peaceful villages of South West England James was vaguely aware that he had not brought anything with him that might be useful for him, such as a toothbrush or a comb or even a clean change of underwear. All he had with him was Harry and Harry's blanket and his wand. That's all he _really_ needed.

Neither James not Sirius spoke a word as they flew to Sirius' flat. After their emotional high earlier they both seemed to have somewhat crashed rather violently back to reality. Neither knew exactly what to say to the other so they seemed to have come to some sort of unspoken mutual agreement to just remain quiet. And after the initial roar of the engine, Harry slept through the entire journey.

It was a chilly October night, or was it now an early November morning? James hadn't bothered to check the time before they left. He supposed it didn't really matter anyway. Once they had arrived outside the building, Sirius had wordlessly handed James the keys to unlock the front door while he put his motorbike away for the night.

Sirius flat was quite small, but large enough for two adults and a baby. It didn't emit the same cosiness of the Godric's Hollow cottage but wasn't entirely unwelcoming. It was just a flat. The floor was dark bare wood and the furniture looked old and worn. A couch and two chairs were set around a small coffee table in the living room which was entered immediately through the front door. The kitchen was to the immediate right and the bedrooms and bathroom were through the living room and down the narrow hallway. James had been here before but not for some time. He sighed as the expected thought of '_the last time I was here, I was with Lily_' drifted to the forefront of his mind. He would have to get used to thinking like that for a while.

"Do you, uh, want anything to eat?" asked Sirius, now following James into the living room.

James shook his head. He hadn't thought about food at all. "Just sleep, I think."

"Yeah," Sirius absent-mindedly ran a hand through his hair, "the sooner this day's over the better I think."

James nodded, suddenly feeling quite awkward. All he wanted to do was be alone (with Harry) and try to forget that everything existed.

"Well, I'll uh show you to your room I guess..."

Sirius lit a few candles with his wand. The room was small with a double bed taking up most of the floor space, a small bedside cabinet sat to its right and a narrow wardrobe stood on the opposite wall.

"Afraid you and Harry will have to share tonight, I don't really have anything else..."

"It's fine Padfoot, honestly. Thanks."

"Yeah. No problem, mate." There was a brief silence in which no eye contact was made. "Well, g'night then."

"Goodnight."

Sirius turned to leave but stopped before he reached the door, "Oh! Uh, I'll make breakfast tomorrow. Don't worry about waking up early or anything for it though."

"Right. Thanks."

Sirius closed the door behind himself and James carefully placed Harry down on one side of the bed and covered him with the quilt. He extinguished the candles and lay down beside him on top of the covers. James stared at the dark ceiling, or what he presumed was the general direction of the ceiling as he couldn't actually see anything in the darkness of the room. Today had been long. No, the day had flown past, the evening had been long. In fact it had seemed curiously long considering that he had been unconscious for a large part of it.

James tried as hard as he could to envision anything except that last look on Lily's face, her screams as she fell to the floor, they way she had sacrificed herself to save their son, and it was all James could do to stand on the sidelines and watch. But he couldn't. Nothing but those thoughts swam in his mind for hours on end. He played over the scene what felt like over a hundred times in his head, some of the scenarios changing; where he broke free and managed to save her, or where he died in her place.

James rolled over onto his side, wishing more than anything that he could Obliviate himself just for tonight so that he might get some sleep. His eyes were stinging with tired but his brain wouldn't shut down. The gentle breathing of Harry next to him soothed him somewhat. Whenever he momentarily couldn't hear his breathing James would panic and listen extra hard until he could hear it again. He eventually turned over onto his other side so that he could watch Harry sleep, calmed by the constant rising and falling of his chest. It was silly to worry, but he couldn't help it.

James reached out and gently stroked Harry's cheek with his finger. "I'll always be here, Harry." The whisper was enough to form a lump in James' throat and after that the tears came. He hadn't cried yet, he hadn't time with everything else going on, but now he could. Now that he was practically alone in the dark with only his own thoughts for company could he give way to grief and let the emotion overwhelm him.

He tried his best to not make a sound, however, because he was not sure if Sirius was still awake or not and he did not much feel like having an audience at the moment. His glasses bit sharply into his temple and the bridge of his nose and he squeezed the pillow (which was now soaked with tears) to his face. Surely it had to get better soon.

* * *

James couldn't remember falling asleep, but he guessed he must have at some point because he awoke the next morning feeling groggy and hungry. His glasses sat neatly folded on the bed-side table beside him and he guessed Sirius must have come in to check on him at some point and removed them. He sat up in bed and re-arranged his glasses when a sudden panic surged through him. "Harry!" James looked wildly around but saw no sign of the baby. He scrambled off the bed so fast that his legs became tangled in the blanket that had been covering him (again he probably had Sirius to thank for that) and he nearly fell over.

He wrenched open the bedroom door and dashed into the kitchen as fast as he could. Upon entering the large room he was greeted by the delightful smell of bacon and toast. "Sirius!" he gasped, "have you -?"

James broke off for the scene before him calmed him down immediately. Sirius was sat at the breakfast table helping the baby Harry on his lap to eat a banana. He looked up, alarmed by James' sudden entrance. "Morning Prongs, you alright?"

"What? Oh, yeah. Fine" James took the seat across the table from Sirius and dropped his head into his hands. He was going to get grey hair soon with all this worry.

"You sure you're alright, Prongs?" Sirius asked gingerly.

"Yeah, fine." mumbled James. He had a lot to do today and he was pretty sure he wasn't going to enjoy any of it. "Now," he said raising his head and trying his best to flash a grin at Sirius, "where's this breakfast I was promised?"

* * *

**A/N:** Hey so I hope you're liking it so far! Chapter 3 is currently under way so will hopefully make an appearance soon! :)


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